Born a Fan

League: Football League Championship
Location: Coventry, England
Founded: 1883
FA Cup Wins: 1
League Wins: 3

Teams who you have to be born a fan of are not isolated to North America. Today’s installment takes us across the Atlantic to England, and quite a fine example of the phenomenon in Coventry City FC. A team whose irrelevance is nearly an art form.

Coventry City currently plays in the second level of English football. But from 1967 to 2001, they were part of the top flight in both the old Football League First Division and the Premier League. In that 34 year period, Coventry City never finished higher than sixth. Coventry City has virtually redefined the definition of “also-ran.”

Coventry’s lack of success has not been limited to their league campaigns. In their 125 year history they have managed to win the FA Cup only once. It took them until 1987 to do so. Their lack of success in the Football Association’s flagship cup competition led to them being the subject of a Monty Python sketch.

Coventry City last won the FA Cup in what year? (cut to Che looking equally dumbfounded) No? I’ll throw it open. Coventry City last won the FA Cup in what year? (they all look blank) No? Well, I’m not surprised you didn’t get that. It was in fact a trick question. Coventry City have never won the FA Cup.

Coventry City took futility to a new level upon winning the FA Cup. Normally winning the cup allows a team to compete in European competitions. However in 1987, all English teams were banned from playing in Europe, meaning that Coventry City’s cup glory wasn’t so glorious.

The most famous player to suit up for Coventry City is famous for all the wrong reasons. Professional nutcase David Icke played goalkeeper for Coventry City in the early 1970s. Icke makes Darren Daulton look positively normal.

In 1999, he published The Biggest Secret, in which he wrote that the Illuminati are a race of reptilian humanoids known as the Babylonian Brotherhood, and that many prominent figures are reptilian, including George W. Bush, Queen Elizabeth II, Kris Kristofferson, and Boxcar Willie.

Coventry City’s lack of success, coupled with its most famous player being a person who routinely accuses Heads of State and the old dude with the beard from Blade of being lizards in people costumes has led to Convetry City fans being born, not made.