League: National League
Location: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Founded: 1883
Minor Titles: 12
World Series Titles: 1
The Great State of Minnesota is nicknamed “The Land of 10,000 Lakes.” Philadelphia, the cradle of the republic, also has a close association with the quantity of 10,000. It is the number of losses that its baseball team has suffered in their history. The Phillies’ frustrations are historic, no other team in any major sport has lost 10,000 games.
The Phillies began life as the Philadelphia Quakers, a name so fierce that it led to an inaugural season winning percentage of .173, the lowest in MLB history, and was soon replaced. The Phillies’ bred fanbase status certainly centers on their terrible on-field performances. For a thirty year stretch in the mid 20th Century, the Phillies finished last in the NL 17 times, and next to last an additional seven. Mike Schmidt’s stellar career in a Phillies uniform was all that saved the team from total failure.
The Phillies had a fairly successful run in the early 1990s that was marred by the fact that half the lineup —led by super athlete John Kruk—sported mullets as well as the presence of Curt Schilling. This team also managed to lose in the World Series to a team from Canada bringing shame to the city that gave birth to the Constititution of these United States.
One of the heroes to the Phillies fanbase is catcher Darren Daulton. Darren Daulton is certifiably insane, leading to an indictment of Phillies fans by assocation. Here are some Darren Daulton quotes:
During the Dutch Enlightenment, No. 11 has been as significant as it was in Spinal Tap.
“Sure. A rosin bag is just a mirage of innumerable particles constantly speeding up or slowing down. But the Fourth and Fifth Dimensions remain unseen by most people. Their vibrations are at a lower frequency.”
“The Mayan calendar stops at Dec. 21, 2012 — the date the Mayans believed the world would end,” he says. “On that day, at 11:11 a.m. Greenwich Mean Time, those who are ready to ascend will vanish from this plane of existence, like the crew of the Enterprise in Star Trek.”
Certifiably whacko players and historic failures have led to the Phillies being a team whose support is handed down through the generations, institutionalized, not aquired. Phillies fans are born, not made.
